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Bonekickers Review – The Eternal Fire

July 23, 2008

England v Italy AD63, Jump to present, Valentines Day, Bath

1st earth tremor in 300 years, some people have been gassed.

So the crack team go underground to check out Boudicea theory

Viv – “I feel a bit sick I need a smoothie” (a smoothie, is that not about the last thing you would want if you felt sick)

Geologist stops them and asks who are you?

Dolly replies – “Bon viveurs and erotic adventurers” (otherwise known as pretty boring archaeologists from Wessex University)

THEORY – the type of hend hewn limestone caves under the baths were Celtic (how on earth do they know that?)

LET’S DIG…..   (let’s not….)

A quick detector sweep (how did they manage to smuggle that thing in) and adopt an ad hoc investigation.

So begins the usual archaeological practice of wrenching artefacts from the ground (first it was a piece of the one true cross, now it is 1st century celtic stuff)

But wait a minute – this ring has melted – these people were burnt

THEORY – two prisoners held under Roman Baths.  Could one of them have been Boudicea.  She was killed by Romans was she not?  Well, you sometimes have to take a leap of faith.

Another tremor, Viv clutches Ben, Gillian jealous (do you feel a sub plot emerging?)

Dolly and Viv retire to lab, apparently Dolly gives good strontium (what on earth does that mean)

Meanwhile back in the caves, more dubious metal detecting, “these are Celt things”

Gillian bored with all that crawls down cave, Ben goes after her, another tremor, cave gets blocked, no way out. Sulphorous gas, purple tessarae, “HELLS TITS”  “JAW BONE DISTINCTLY BLOODY ROMAN”.

Gillian cleans mosaic, good grief a Celtic Queen, betrayal of Rome, its all becoming clear

QUESTION – How did Marcus Q have the means to make a mosaic down a cave?

Actually, I really don’t care any more.  This is absolute drivel

Jump to end

Pretentious SPEECH by BEN

Archaeologists should be kinky

Archaeologists should use their imagination

Some however are braver than others

Scientific dreamers are the pioneers

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